I have been a Perennialist most of my life. Always hated atheism and materialism.
I have been thinking about this problem for years and I am here to tell you that the answer is materialism. Not the baby soft Redditor atheism you’re familiar with, but the most extreme and complete materialism which is possible, which goes beyond atheism. An engineer by the name of Bill Gaede has figured out how this universe works in purely physical terms, and he has answered every major philosophical problem, including consciousness.
I am currently working on a spiritual pamphlet which outlines how such a worldview could be aligned with spirituality (which I define as euphoria). It is a faith for the internet autist / activist, not the general public. The general public, being very atomized, requires religious pluralism or a civic religion.
A spiritual euphoria is dependent on one’s material conditions. Thus, the “dread” that materialism inspires in you is just a technical problem.
Made a video about this recently:
