New theory about trauma kinks

Psychology & Sexuality
1

So, I have a new theory about the causes of cougarism, masochism, homosexuality, etc.

If you’re familiar with Peter Levine’s work, you’ll know that trembling is how animals heal themselves after traumatic experiences. And, this can be used to relieve trauma – because trauma is really a problem of the nervous system, not the brain.

Well, I noticed that when I orgasm, and allow myself to tremble, my body starts to tingle all over and feel wonderful.

I was thinking about this and thought, you know, orgasm is kind of like a system reset. Maybe the body associates the trauma with sex in order to release it.

The question then becomes: why aren’t sexual deviants healing from this lifestyle?

I think what’s happening is that trauma release requires complete authentic expression and that this is suppressed in civilization. Going back to Levine, a big reason why people continue to be traumatized is because they aren’t allowing their bodies to tremble. Well, maybe homosexuals aren’t expressing their pain and humiliation, their desire for father’s approval, etc etc. They’re in loveless relationships where there’s no commitment or authenticity. As Joseph Nicolosi points out, boredom is a prevailing characteristic of the homosexual personality. Homosexuals find people boring because they cannot honestly express himself around others.

And this is the reason why Nicolosi’s therapy works: because he was getting homosexuals to articulate their fantasies and their emotional origins. He was getting them to be authentic, and thus complete the cycle.

And it is for this reason that I no longer desire to be called a “handsome man” by an older woman. I articulated what I wanted and why.

2

It’s really tough to know how to heal and change trauma. I highly recommend the book The Body Keeps the Score, which I’m reading now.

I know from my personal experience that being “listened to” (the psychobabble term for this is “seen and heard”) in an empathetic way for the first time when I was ~30 years old was a quantum shift. However, it did not fix all of my problems. It did, however, make me more willing to talk to a therapist, and after a few sessions, I have very little desire to be “listened to.” Part of the reason for that is that I realized that being “listened to” doesn’t do much since other people have their own agendas, and relationships that are completely about listening/empathy are not fully satisfying. But it still has the positive effect of making you feel a bit more like people can be trusted, etc., which makes you feel safe enough to venture on to the next developmental stage.

Now, I want less to be “seen and heard,” and I want to be more pleasant in my interactions, and earn my way to love.

My theory is that people have a kind of linear personal progression, where there are distinct stages that have to be passed as you develop into a person with ever-more resilience and agency.

I read that little girls establish highly-supportive social networks in elementary school, which often involve fallouts and backstabbing, but which eventually settle into a stable friendship group. And, for well-adjusted girls, they are ready in middle school to play envy-driven social status games in Middle School, since they feel that their girlfriends will support them if they fail. Girls who fail to have a support network opt-out of the social status games - they are loners and losers. My expectations is that the same dynamic happens in some way with males, but it has more to do with parents. But anyhow, this is another example of the stage-like progression that humans must go through, where you have to complete each stage to move to the next.

Another example is kids who were badly abused and are hostile towards all other humans. It turns out that the way to get them on the path to healing is to let them take care of horses. Before trying to bond with a single human, they have to learn that relationships feel good, and good relationships can be generated with kind behavior.

Assuming that homosexuality is genuinely not genetic (which I’ll never know) my guess is that the path to healing for them is probably a multi-stage process, with the stages and their orders not currently known.

3

“I read that little girls establish highly-supportive social networks in elementary school, which often involve fallouts and backstabbing, but which eventually settle into a stable friendship group. And, for well-adjusted girls, they are ready in middle school to play envy-driven social status games in Middle School, since they feel that their girlfriends will support them if they fail. Girls who fail to have a support network opt-out of the social status games - they are loners and losers. “

If you can remember where did you read this?

4

Aw shucks I wish I still remember, but unfortunately have forgotten.

5

No problem, post was very insightful though